Great Sadness

Our Burcwen died two days ago in our arms at home. It was sudden. She was at the vet the day before and treated for a urinary tract infection. She obviously had more going on and it's still so hard to believe and process.

Burcwen was our baby. We got her shortly after we were married 7 years ago. It's hard to remember a time in our marriage without Burcwen. Our lives revolved around her.

She was such a great dog to us. Unfortunately noone else seemed to get to know her like Ryan and I did because she was always so scared of other people. Not her fault. Her first owners were really mean to her.

There are so many things I'll miss about Burcwen..the way she'd run to the door to greet us and she'd smile and smack her lips. She'd wake us up for breakfast and after eating always return and lick our faces to say thank you. When my Gege died she was by my side the whole time. Dogs are good like that. She was no different. Burcwen also had all of these funny idiosyncracies-unfortunately alot of them stemming from her fears and past traumas. She would bite the cupboard door everytime the coffee maker would go. If there was running water or a power tool, Ryan's shredder going she would come running to check out that crazy noise. She particularly liked Ryan's desk chair. She would randomly attack it and we knew that by wiggling the hydraulic piece we could get her to come from anywhere in the house. Anytime we would sneeze Burcwen would run to us to make sure we were okay. When we said "I'm okay Burcwen" she'd go back to what she was doing. She loved what we called the 3 P's-popcorn, peanut butter and pizza. These were her favourite. As soon as she'd hear the kernels going into the pot she'd come running knowing she was in for a special treat. Of course I gave her her own bowl and she ate right beside me. Burcwen would sleep with us every night on our bed snuggling up laying her head down on top of our butts usually because she liked to have her head elevated. Later she would venture to the pillow on the floor beside Ryan's side of the bed. Burcwen had an internal clock that told her 6 pm was dinner time. You would know what time it was because she was right at your heels cocking her head looking for food. Burcwen hardly ever barked though. Despite her neurosis she was very gentle. She would sit at her food bowl or just follow us around until we asked her what she needed..."Burcwen do you neeed a drink?" Then she would bark this puppy little bark and jump up and lick us. Burcwen was also so gentle when she walked around stuff. I remarked at this at our last camping trip last week how Burcwen would gingerly walk around stuff in our dining tent (and at home) always being careful not to knock anything over. Burcwen had her 10th birthday this May. We gave her a special slice of pizza with a candle in it and put a Happy Birthday Banner up and took her picture. Burcwen loved to swim though initally she was terrified of it. She had never been swimming before we got her. She would bark at the water and once we finally got her in she would try to bite it. Burcwen always wanted to be wherever we were in the house. She was so loyal a companion. She sat in my office or with Ryan at his or in the living room with us. Ryan spent so much more time with her too as she was his office mate as he wrote away on his dissertation and was working on his PhD. Ryan loved her dearly. She loved Ryan dearly.

Ryan and I would take her for a walk every evening often down on the path beside the bay. Walks will never be the same without her.

Burcwen did some funny things too that will always live in our memories. I think of the time Ryan found Burcwen on the opposite side of the bathroom of our apartment eating toilet paper off the roll like lady and the tramp. She loved toilet paper! Whenever we left the house we'd have to shut the bathroom door and lock the garbage lest she get in. Burcwen was pretty spoiled and free to roam wherever she wanted to in the house EXCEPT the loveseat. She was told she had to stay off. One time though Ryan felt the loveseat was warm when he got home and the next day watched from the window as we mocked coming down the stairs watching her moving from the loveseat to the door where he usually found her. Pretty sneaky! Burcwen loved paper products too. She ate my homemade cards a few times and ate the special Valentine's card Ryan made me with that homemade paper. She'd always hang her head low to appologize until we said it was okay and we forgave her and everything was okay again. We couldn't resist those big brown eyes.

I loved to treat Burcwen like she was my little girl. I'd comb her hair and put pony tails and sometimes pig tails and ribbons in it. I brushed her teeth from time to time with her special toothpaste and toothbrush we got her. Whenever Burcwen was cold we-well Ryan particularly would put his sweatshirt around her to warm her up. Often this was done in the rain to keep her cozy and warm.

We tried to keep her so comfortable in those last days. We knew she wasn't feeling well-never suspected it was serious. Ryan was the best caregiver ever. He put the sleeping bag under her to keep her warm and dry, fed her chicken broth to help her upset tummy, massaged her belly to help whatever was ailing her move through, crushed her anti-biotic pill and diluted it with water into a medicine dropper when she wouldn't eat her food, carried her down the stairs so she could do her business. He was so good to her. They really were best friends. We were all she knew-the only ones she trusted, vulnerable as she was. My Ryan will be such a wonderful Dad when this baby comes. He already is and is taking such good care of the baby and I. Burcwen was no different. He took such amazing care of her.

It's so hard to believe that she is gone. She brought us so much joy and laughter.

Burcwen we love you-always have and always will. Thank you for loving us and being the wonderful dog you were.